


The Path to Heaven

by WinterSky101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Fallen Castiel, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post Episode: s08e22 Clip Show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-29
Updated: 2013-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-24 23:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSky101/pseuds/WinterSky101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is two trials into closing the gates of Heaven, with one more to go. And since he can't be in Heaven when the doors shut, he's only got one option.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Path to Heaven

_"The path to Heaven runs though miles of clouded Hell."_

_'It's Time' by Imagine Dragons_

Metatron is playing Cas like a fiddle, and Cas doesn't even know it.

He's two trials into closing the gates or Heaven. The first one was to kill the last Nephilim, which he did reluctantly. The second was to purify a dying soul so it would go to Heaven. Castiel found a man who had killed another person in a robbery gone wrong. He had done it to get money so he could afford treatment for his daughter, who had been dying of cancer. Castiel could empathize and he purified the man's soul, sending him to Heaven with his daughter, who had died a month before. Metatron had been annoyed with his choice, but so long as the trial was completed, he didn't complain.

Now Castiel has just one trial left, which is to make an angel human. It's not incredibly difficult, but no angel will volunteer, of course, so they'll have to do it by force. And that's the problem. Just as the trials to close Hell are affecting Sam, the trials to close Heaven are affecting Cas, though perhaps not as severely. He is, however, coughing up blood, and his body temperature is wavering around 101 degrees. His stomach wound, which hadn't been fully healed when he first started the trials, is healing at rate that's barely faster than a human would. His equilibrium is off, so he's been trying to minimize his movement. And, of course, his Grace is severely weakened.

At the moment, Castiel and Metatron are in a motel room, which reminds Cas of the Winchesters so much it hurts. Metatron is pacing. Castiel's sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard.

"So how are we going to complete third trial?" he asks.

Metatron sighs. "We'll have to get our hands on an angel," he says. "Then there's just an incantation and the doors will be closed."

"What is the incantation?" Castiel asks. Metatron pauses. "You'll have to tell me at some point," Cas adds. Metatron sighs again and rattles off an Enochian phrase. Castiel commits it to memory.

"This is going to be hard," Metatron says. He sounds worried. "You're in no shape to fight one of our siblings. And we won't be able to turn an angel into a human without a conflict."

"Perhaps there's an angel that would be sympathetic to our cause," Castiel suggests. A cough tears its way out of his throat and he can taste blood in his mouth.

"There won't be," Metatron replies glumly when Castiel's coughing fit lets up. "They're all fighting like mad up there. No one will want to lock Heaven up."

"What will happen to us when Heaven closes?" Castiel asks.

Metatron shrugs, but he won't make eye contact. "I don't know," he replies. He's lying. Castiel can tell that much.

"Will we be trapped in Heaven as well?" he asks.

Metatron freezes for a moment. "I don't know," he says after a pause. Castiel can tell that he's lying yet again. He thinks for a moment. Metatron told him that, when the gates of Hell close, all demons on Earth will be sucked into Hell as the doors shut. He can only assume it'll be the same with angels. But if Metatron's not telling Castiel the truth, there must be a reason.

"What will we do when we return to Heaven?" Castiel asks, changing the topic. "I doubt the other angels will be very pleased with us, especially if we've just trapped all of them." Not to mention the fact that Castiel is the reason Heaven was decimated in the first place, but he won't mention that.

"Oh, I'm sure they'll come around," Metatron replies.

Castiel's a bit suspicious, because if he knows his family - and he does - they won't just "come around."

"How will we make them see why we did it?" he asks.

Metatron sighs. "You're full of questions, aren't you?" he asks rhetorically.

Castiel's eyes narrow. "I just want to know all that you know," he replies. "After all, I  _am_  the one the trials are affecting."

"I'm not sure how to get the angels to understand. But I'm sure I'll think of something. If we can just get them to see whose fault it is..." Metatron's voice drifts off and suddenly, it becomes horribly clear to Castiel what the plan is. Because it's  _his_  fault. Every angel will agree to this. And so...

To use one of Dean's favorite phrases, "son of a bitch."

"We ought to be looking for an angel to turn human," Castiel says abruptly. Metatron looks at him in slight confusion. "We have to close the gates. It's the only way to save Heaven from itself. You're right."

Metatron nods in an absentminded sort of way. "Yes, of course. I'll start looking for an angel that's already on Earth. You should stay here and rest." With a wave of his hand, Metatron summons up a book and tosses it at Castiel. "For if you get bored," he explains, then he's gone. Castiel spares a glance at the book, which is a compilation of stories on King Arthur's knights. He tosses it aside. Castiel's certain he knows every story in the book, and anyway, he has something more important to do.

Drawing up every bit of energy that he has, Castiel takes off and flies to Sam and Dean's bunker. He doesn't land inside, but he hadn't been aiming for that anyway. Instead, he crumples to the ground right outside. He can only hope that, whatever happens as he finishes the trials, it'll be impressive enough to attract the Winchesters' attention, and then they'll find him. Hopefully, he'll still be alive.

Taking a deep breath, Castiel places his right hand on his torso, right under his ribcage. Then, with a stifled cry, he presses inward, forcing his hand into his body to grasp at what's within. His fingers grasp his own Grace and he yanks, hard. It hurts and he's biting down on his lip, so as not to make a sound, but it takes an amount of willpower he's not sure he can conjure up. He does, though, and he manages to pull his own Grace out of his chest. His entire body is trembling. Castiel carefully passes his Grace over to his left hand, maintaining a tight grip, and summons his angel blade into his right hand. Without pausing to think about what exactly he's doing, Castiel takes his blade and plunges it into his Grace.

Every nerve ending in his body feels as if it's on fire. This is the only way of turning an angel human that the trials find permanent enough, taking their Grace and destroying it. And considering Castiel definitely can't return to Heaven, this is the only option he has if he's to complete the trials and close the gates of Heaven. To fulfill the third trial himself and make himself human. And then, he can finally break away from Heaven and become his own person, with free will, as he always wanted to be.

With a blast of white light, Castiel's Grace finally dies completely. The ex-angel's close to blacking out, but he knows he has to finish the trial before Metatron gets to him. Doing something like what he just did? That'll send ripples throughout the Angel Radio, alerting everyone to Cas's newfound humanity, Metatron included. And this obviously doesn't fit in with Metatron's plan, so Castiel need to make sure he's locked Metatron away before he can do anything about it.

In a weak, hoarse voice, Castiel stumbles his way through the incantation. He can feel it, once the gates slam shut and drag every angel back in. He's safe from Metatron now, and he can hear noises from inside the bunker, so Castiel's hoping Sam and Dean will come outside soon to help. But in the meantime, it can't be that bad for him to close his eyes, just for a second...

* * *

Castiel wakes up to find himself in the same room in which he stayed when he asked Dean for help because he had been shot, almost two weeks ago. Dean himself is dozing in a chair next to the bed Cas is lying on. He looks peaceful and Castiel's planning on staying silent and letting him sleep when Dean's eyes drift open slowly. Once he sees that Castiel's awake, he jerks into awareness quickly.

"Cas! What the hell happened to you?"

This is strange. Given the way Dean had spoken to Castiel the last time they were together, Cas had been expecting a harsh tone and cold words. Instead, Dean sounds concerned. "How long have I been unconscious?" Castiel asks warily.

"Almost three days!" Dean retorts. Castiel's eyes go wide. He hadn't thought it would be that long. "What the hell, man?"

"I closed the gates of Heaven," Castiel replies.

Dean gives Cas a shocked look. "You  _what_?"

"I closed the gates of Heaven," Castiel repeats.

Dean still looks incredulous. "Okay, I've got a hell of a lot of questions, but first off, how the hell did you manage that?"

"Metatron told me how," Castiel replies.

Dean looks even more surprised, if that's possible. "And you know Metatron how?"

"When you and Sam went off to meet with the priest, I went out on a supply run. I met up with Metatron and he told me how to close the gates of Heaven. That's where I've been. There were three trials, and I completed all of them."

"What were the trials?" Dean asks.

Castiel shifts slightly. It hurts more than he expected it to, but he hides any sign of it. "I had to kill the last Nephilim-"

"Nephilim?" Dean interrupts.

"A child of a human and an angel," Castiel explains. "They're abominations against Heaven. There was but one left, and I killed her in the first trial." Castiel still feels guilty about it, but he knows if was necessary. And anyway, she  _did_  attack. After he threatened her, but... "The second trial was to purify a soul so it would go to Heaven. I purified a man's soul that was tainted by an accidental murder."

"And what was the third trial?" Dean asks.

Castiel doesn't meet Dean's eyes. "To make an angel human," he mumbles.

Dean frowns for a moment. "And that closed the gates?"

"Yes."

"Which angel?"

Castiel looks at Dean in confusion. How has he not guessed? But then, as Castiel's eyes meet Dean's, he realizes that Dean  _has_  guessed. But his face shows a desperation to be proved wrong. The one thing he wants is the one thing Cas can't give him. He won't lie to Dean, not again.

"Me."

Dean takes a deep, shaky breath. "Wow. Okay. So is that why you were out for so long?"

"I would assume so," Castiel replies. "I was not aware that would occur."

"And that's what the lightshow was? You tearing out your Grace and closing Heaven?"

"Yes," Castiel replies. Then a thought hits him and he looks around the room. "Where is Sam?"

"He's...not doing too hot," Dean replies.

Castiel frowns. "You haven't finished the trials yet?"

"No," Dean replies, looking puzzled.

Castiel's eyes widen. "You have to do it quickly. It won't take long for the demons to realize that Heaven's gates are locked. And without the threat of angels raining heavenly wrath down on them, the demons will do whatever they want. Close the gates."

"First things first," Dean replies. "Let me take care of you. Then we can worry about the gates."

"Close the gates first," Castiel demands.

Dean gives him a hard look. "You were out for three freaking days, Cas! You're human and you've  _still_  got a bullethole in your freaking stomach."

"I'll be fine. The world will not, however, if you don't close those doors."

Dean groans. "God, can't I ever take time off from saving the goddamn world to take care of my freaking family?" he complains.

Castiel smiles slightly. "After you close those doors, perhaps. But until they've been shut, the gates of Hell need to be your first priority."

"Goddamn it," Dean mutters. He gets up. "You sure you're gonna be okay?"

"Positive, Dean," Castiel replies. He's far from positive, to be truthful, considering the fact that his torso hurts whenever he tries to move even the slightest bit and he feels lightheaded. Dean leaves the room, and Castiel decides that, from a purely medical standpoint, the best thing for him to do now is to get some sleep.

* * *

Next time Castiel wakes up, it's Sam sitting next to him. He still looks bad and they obviously haven't finished the trial yet. "Hello, Sam," Castiel croaks, surprised at how dry his throat is. Sam offers him a water bottle before saying anything. Castiel gulps down about half of it in a matter of seconds.

"Slow down," Sam warns. His voice is hoarse as well. The trials are still kicking his ass, as Dean would say. "You don't want to drink too much too fast."

"I won't," Castiel replies, but within the minute, he's finished the bottle.

Sam grins slightly. "How do you feel?" he asks.

Castiel shrugs. It hurts. He tries to hide it and is pretty sure he's succeeded. "How do  _you_  feel?" he counters.

Sam sighs. "Like shit, to be honest. But if it means Dean and I are going to shut Hell down, then it's worth it."

"I know how terrible it is," Castiel offers. "To an extent, that is. I went through much of the same symptoms as you're going through now."

"Yeah. They suck, don't they?" Sam asks.

Castiel nods. "They are incredibly discomforting. But they will go away once you finish the trials." Castiel's not  _entirely_  positive that's true - he still feels terrible and ill, even though the trials are complete - but he wants to keep Sam's morale up.

Sam smiles softly. "How's your stomach?" he asks.

Castiel's about to shrug again when he remembers how much it hurt last time. "Healing. I think. It's going more slowly than when I was an angel, but that's to be expected.."

"Someone should take a look at it," Sam says worriedly. His hands are beginning to undo the bandage when Dean calls from the other room. Sam looks at Castiel.

"Go," Cas urges. "I'll be fine. Perhaps Dean has something about the next trial to tell you. Go to him."

Sam sighs and stands. He doesn't move for a moment - to regain equilibrium, Castiel would assume - but then he goes to leave the room. In the doorway, he turns.

"If Dean starts yelling at you again, just remember that he does care. It took forever for me to convince him to leave your side. He cares about you. I think that pisses him off more than what you did."

"Thank you, Sam," Castiel replies, smiling softly.

Sam sighs and leaves the room. Once he's alone, Cas lets out a strangled gasp of pain. The agony from his stomach is indescribable. Cautiously, hands trembling, he pulls a bit at the bandage that Sam had already partially undone. The wound underneath is red and inflamed. Even just the added sensation of air flowing over it makes it hurt. Cas bites his lip as he starts to rewrap the bandage. The feeling of cloth covering the wound makes it hurt even more, but Castiel's determined to do it. He's gotten it partially wrapped when there's a light knock on the door. Cas quickly yanks the blanket up over his torso, ignoring the pain.

"Come in," he calls.

The door opens and Dean pops his head in. "We've got everything in place to do the third trial, but Sam has to do it now," he tells Cas. "Will you be okay alone for, I don't know, around eight hours? I'll pop in every hour or so, but..."

"You wish to be with Sam." Cas's voice is very rough. He coughs harshly, but that only makes his throat hurt more. "I understand. Go. I'll be fine."

"Thanks, Cas," Dean replies with a tiny hint of a grin. "You're the best."

As Dean leaves, Castiel savors the compliment. It's not that big a deal, but Dean's never said anything like that to Cas before, not that he can remember.

Now, perhaps, if his stomach could stop being unbearably painful, Castiel could be content.

* * *

"Cas?" It's Sam's voice that drags him into awareness. "Cas!" Castiel tries to open his eyes, but they're so heavy and it's so hard. "Shit, he's burning up," Sam mutters. Castiel wonders vaguely who Sam's talking about. "Dean!"

"What is it, Sammy?" Dean's voice asks. Castiel can feel hands on his stomach and that  _hurts_ , but he can't pull away or stop whatever's happening from happening.

"Cas is burning up." Ah. So it's Castiel that has a fever. "And... Shit! Dean, look at his stomach!" Something about Castiel's wound must be shocking, because Dean hisses in a sharp breath when he sees it.

"Holy shit," he mutters to himself. "This can't be good."

"Can't be good?" Sam repeats angrily. "This is a serious infection! What do we do? Take him to the hospital?" Castiel knows what will happen at the hospital. He'll be hooked up to strange machines and taken away from Sam and Dean. And maybe they won't come back for him. There's no reason for them to do so. He's useless now, but selfishly, he doesn't want to leave Sam and Dean.

"No hospital," he mumbles, forcing his eyes open. Sam and Dean are standing next to his bed, worried expressions on their faces. Sam looks much better, so Cas assumes he's finished the trials and closed the gates of Hell. At least something is going the way it should.

"Cas, this is a serious infection," Sam tells him in a placating tone, as if he's talking to a child. Castiel assumes it's because of his fever. Fevers impair mental functions, don't they? Do they? Maybe. Does it matter?

"We should really take you to a hospital, Cas," Dean adds, and Castiel's reminded of the situation at hand.

"I'll be fine," he replies. His voice is slurred. Sam and Dean don't look convinced. "Wait for a day," Castiel tells them, deciding he'll make a compromise. "Allow me to heal for a day. I'll get better. I'll be fine."

"Is he delirious?" Sam asks Dean softly, as if Cas isn't there.

"No," Cas tells him petulantly.

Dean shrugs. "Hell if I know," he replies. "Why don't we give him a day? See if he gets better. Maybe he knows something that we don't."

"Dean..."

"Please, Sam," Castiel begs. "One day." He has to force his body to heal in a day. He can't go to the hospital and be abandoned.

Sam sighs. "I don't like this," he warns. "But we won't force you to go to the hospital." Castiel feels a glimmer of hope. Will he not have to go to the hospital at all? "However," Sam adds, "if you're not better in a day, then we're taking you to the hospital whether you want to or not."

"That's fair," Castiel croaks back. His throat is dry and he wishes he had something to drink. He's not sure that he'll be better in a day, but he hopes he will. But without his powers, all he can do is pray.

"I'll treat your stomach the best I can," Dean offers. "It won't be as good as a hospital would be, but I can clean the wound."

"I think we might have some antibiotics in the bathroom," Sam adds. "I'll go grab them." This isn't what Castiel had been expecting. He had thought that, since he couldn't be helpful and he was actually closer to a burden, Sam and Dean would leave him alone until the next day rolled around and they carted him off to a hospital. But here they are, offering to take care of him. And it's not exactly like he can refuse.

"Thank you," Castiel tells the brothers hoarsely.

Dean gives him a sympathetic look. "Do you want something to drink?" he asks. Castiel nods. "I'll go grab a water bottle for you." The brothers both go to fetch their respective equipment and Castiel is left alone, lying in the bed. He can't believe it. Sam and Dean are helping him. He's just a burden now, a liability. At best, useless. At worst, dangerous. There's no reason for them to help. But, by some miracle, the Winchesters still care enough about him to keep him from dying. Past that, he doesn't know, but for now, survival is enough.

* * *

Castiel's fever breaks that night. Dean's watching him, as he's been doing all day, and at first, there's no change. Dean's about to go to Sam and tell him that they need to go to the hospital, Cas's wishes be damned, when he realizes Cas seems to look sweaty. He realizes his fever's broken and goes to Sam, elated rather than worried. Of course, they still have quite a bit to help Cas with, but at least he seems to be mostly out of danger. Castiel's sleep is more peaceful after that, and Dean takes the opportunity to clean his stomach wound carefully and bandage it again. It's starting to look better as well. As ridiculous as it is, Dean wonders if it's a miracle.

* * *

Castiel wakes up in the bunker, feeling much better than he had felt when he fell asleep. He's a little confused at first, looking around the room.

"Your fever broke last night," Dean's voice says. Cas whips his head around to look at him. "Your stomach looks better. You're still healing slowly, but you are healing. Thank God."

Castiel tilts his hand to the side, a little confused by the words. "What do you mean?" he asks Dean.

"You almost died, you stupid, self-centered..." Dean's voice trails off, sounding choked. Cas is concerned. Has something happened?

"Is something wrong, Dean?" he asks.

Dean makes a strangled sort of noise that sounds almost like a laugh. "You almost  _died_ , Cas!" he retorts. "I'd say that's something wrong!"

"I don't understand-"

"You stupid son of a bitch, why didn't you just ask us for help!" Dean demands.

Cas is confused and a bit frightened by the way Dean's acting. "I thought you were mad at me," he says in a small voice.

"I am mad at you, goddamn it! And I'm mad at me, and I'm really pissed at Metatron, and-"

"I don't understand," Castiel repeats. "Why do you care that I almost died?"

That brings Dean up short. "How can you ask that?" he whispers. "Cas, I was pissed at you, but I didn't want you  _dead_. I never wanted you dead. I... God, Cas, you really thought I..."

"It was how you acted," Castiel says softly, not daring to hope.

"I was acting like an ass," Dean replies. "I was scared of losing you. Which I almost did. Damn it, Cas, you can't take me seriously with shit like that!"

"I'm sorry," Cas says softly. "I-"

"Stop freaking apologizing for everything!" Dean interrupts. "You don't need to be sorry.  _I_  need to be sorry."

"Why do you even care?" Castiel asks angrily. "You didn't care about me before."

"I was pissed that you almost died, Cas!" Dean snaps.

"Why?" Cas demands.

"Cause I love you!" Dean yells back. Castiel goes very still as the words hit him. Dean turns pale as a ghost. "Did I just say that out loud?" he whispers.

Cas nods dazedly. "Yes," he whispers. "Did you mean it?"

"I'm sorry," Dean says by way of response. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Castiel replies. He puts a hand on the back of Dean's neck and pulls him in for a kiss. He tries to keep in mind what the pizza man did in the video he watched years ago (though it feels like a thousand lifetimes have passed since then). The kiss that Cas shares with Dean is a lot more chaste than the one the pizza man shared with the babysitter, but Cas can't complain. He's pretty sure this is the best kiss in all of human history.

"Did you just..." Dean whispers as Cas finally pulls away.

"Was I too forward?" Cas asks, suddenly worried.

Dean lets out a nervous, breathy laugh. "You were just forward enough," he replies, and he leans in for another kiss.

* * *

_One week later..._

Sam is being far too vocal in his complaining for Castiel's liking.

"But Sam, I don't understand. You said you were happy for us. Why do you keep telling Dean to stop kissing me?" Cas asks, confused.

Sam groans. "Cause you're one of my best friends, and Dean's my brother, and it's getting annoying! Plus you guys kiss like all the time."

"Are you jealous?" Cas asks frankly. "Would you like someone to kiss? Perhaps we can find you someone."

"No, Cas, I just-"

"Lighten up, Sammy," Dean cuts in. "Not like we've got much of anything better to do. The demons are all in Hell, and angels are all in Heaven, and all we've got to deal with is like ghosts and vampires and shit. Other hunters can take care of that for now. We can take a short break."

"We should be researching the gates of Hell and Heaven," Sam contradicts. "We've got some seriously pissed off angels upstairs, plus some seriously pissed off demons downstairs. What if the gates reopen?"

"We deal with it," Dean replies firmly.

Sam rolls his eyes. "You don't want, I don't know, a little heads up?"

"Sammy, I doubt the doors will just open up again right after we closed them. And I doubt they can be opened from the inside all that easily either."

"Dean, Crowley is in Hell and probably wants our spines for his playthings. Let's not underestimate him."

"Isn't Kevin the only one who can find information about the gates?" Cas asks. "Since it's on the tablets?"

"Sam, we can take a short break. The world won't end," Dean adds. He pauses for a moment, then amends his statement. "Well, it probably won't, at least."

"I should've known you two would gang up on me," Sam groans. "Fine. Whatever. Let's take some time off."

"Great!" Dean claps his hands. Cas watches him with amusement from his spot on the couch. His stomach is healing nicely, but he's still not at 100%, as Dean would say. And has said multiple times recently, actually, but that's not important.

"What are we going to do with our time off?" Sam asks.

"I was thinking I'd educate Cas on the finer points of pop culture. You want in?" Dean asks.

Sam narrows his eyes a bit. "What are you gonna show him?"

"I was gonna start with the original Star Wars, then I figured we could go from there."

Sam grins. "I'm in." Cas has a feeling he would have agreed no matter what Dean chose to watch.

Dean goes and gets the movies, and then spends a good fifteen minutes telling Cas all about them before Sam finally interrupts and tells him to start the freaking movies already. Cas is sandwiched on the couch between Sam and Dean, and about halfway through the first movie, his hand finds its way to Dean's knee. A small smile curls Dean's lip as he puts his own hand over Castiel's.

And to be honest, this is a better Heaven than the one Cas left. He wouldn't give this up for anything in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> My writing tumblr is [here](http://winterskywrites.tumblr.com/), if you're interested.


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